Hello again! I’ve been MIA for a little bit, so here’s the update. I’ve been feeling at a loss for words lately. So much has been happening and not happening, so many things have been coming at me so fast and others seem like they’re taking forever.
I need to find a way to re-center myself and figure out what I’m doing. I’m about to be 25, the age Manny was and I’m not ready for that because I have all of nothing together. But I don’t want to continue down this spiral and luckily I’ve realized that. So today marks a day. ‘The Day’ – that I decided to get my shit together. Only now, the real question is – How?
I don’t know… But I know it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to take a lot of work to get out of old habits and start wanting more for myself. Letting go ain’t easy. As I’m sure most of you already know because that is after all, just life. I’m not sure how to go into more detail without just ‘going in on the details’, but that’s really not what I want to do with this. It’s not about The Who or The Why it just matters how I’m going to fix this.
The aftermath of the situation is now I must choose between being a person outside of my usual character in bad way or be a person outside of my usual character in a good way. I’ve been living a lie for a few months now, living beyond my means and it’s catching up. I’ve been focusing on the wrong people and the wrong things that are starting to make me stray, and forcing me forget about my goals.
I feel that I’ve been trying too many things all at once and I’m not able to put in my full 100% into any of them. When I really just need to take a step back and re-center on what’s the MOST important thing to me right now and how is that going to help me the most in the long run. So I know that solution will have to be something that requires a lot of sacrifice because I know I’ve been pretty selfish with my time this last year.
You know you don’t care anymore when your actions are being led by emotion. So, I really need to eliminate the biggest factor that is playing with my emotions right now. Problem is, that’s gonna be what I can only sum up as – ughhhhh. But at least I know it’s what needs to be done, it’s just the admitting it and the living it after. I don’t want my life to be so serious – I just want only good things to happen and to live a happy life with no problems or hiccups ever… FANTASIES apparently, wish I would’ve learned sooner.
All in all, I need to get my shit straight – is the end of this. I can go on and on about how much I’ve messed up but just know I’m working on it and I do have a plan in the works. Sooooo stay humble out there cuz it will catch up eventually.