I have always had a real passion for writing ever since I can remember. But it wasn’t until the end of January 2021 that I began to take it seriously. This past January I lost my oldest brother, Manny, the brother that I grew up with and shared endless memories with. He was just 25 years old and had his first daughter on the way. I’ll never forget the night I got the call telling me that I needed to come say goodbye to him. The only real thing that has helped me to cope and better deal with losing Manny is writing. That’s when I knew I needed to take this blog serious and give it my all. Everything I have ever done or that has ever occurred in my life, writing has been my safe space. My place where I can rationalize my emotions and make sense of them, my place where I can truly express how I feel and what I want to say in full.
So, hi, my name is Selina and this is my story and I hope it helps you to better understand me and to better relate to who I am as a person.
Ever since I was younger I have always dreamt of making a difference in this world, whether that be through my writing, my work, or my family. I just knew that deep down I was put on this Earth to do more than just exist! I think I can pinpoint my exact age where I fell in love with writing. I was just 8 years old when I watched ‘Matilda’ and I fell in love! I wanted to be just as smart as her and I wanted to read all the time and even write my own book one day. That dream has followed me around my entire life, always a thought stuck in the back of my mind, it wasn’t until now that I finally started working towards it.
I went to UNF for my degree and that’s where I discovered my passion for psychology. My path changed several times while in college, I started out as a business major, then changed to computer science and graduated with Cyberpsychology (computer science & psychology). The thing I loved to learn most about though was by far psychology. I have always been captivated by how the mind works and I have even continued to further my knowledge by reading more books on the topics that interest me specifically. Which you will come to realize that those topics are: Positivity, Gratitude, Growth Mindset and any other psychological topic that has to do with bettering the mind to reach your full potential in life.
I had been blessed by not having to start working until my Senior year in high school. My first job was Panera! I had never even eaten there prior to working there, but I stayed there for about 2.5 years and met a life-long friend there. I learned so much about myself in that job and it lead me to my next work adventure.
I was finally ready to get out of the food industry and move into the corporate world. I had always been a strange child, always into organizing, planning, I liked typing and I always awed at the women in professional business clothes and the nice car and nice apartment. So I thought corporate life was what I wanted. I was working in the transportation and logistics industry for almost 3 years before I got so fed up that I just flat out quit the day I graduated from UNF. Those 3 years there taught me a lot of what I didn’t want from life. I hated being stuck inside all day, being timed for when I was away from my desk, meeting quotas and being chained to my desk essentially. I barely ever had any time off and I was surrounded by people who were generations older than me, after all I did start there when I was only 19.
So I was on to my next adventure! Based on the fact that I was tired of being tied down to a desk and never had any time off, I went in the complete opposite direction! I started social media marketing, I was my own boss and made my own hours, free to live my life however I pleased and I could work from anywhere! I found a little bit more of myself in that process, I felt like I had found my community, I loved the positive environment and I loved all the incentives! I was just about to qualify for my first free trip but I lost it when my brother passed, as I became focused on what was more important to me. I gave it 9 months of true 100% effort and it just wasn’t working out for me the way I had hoped, then with losing my brother during that time, I just completely switched paths and turned in the opposite direction really.
With how much my life had changed I was onto my next adventure, being a substitute teacher. I thought I’d start myself off easy and sub for a kindergarten class, I don’t know what I was thinking! Kindergarten is definitely for the big leagues. I then moved to an ESE class for 7th & 8th graders and actually signed on to be their long-term sub to finish out the school year with them! Definitely never pictured myself as being a teacher but I never realized how much freedom there is in it. As you already know, I love planning, organizing, writing and I love helping out in tough situations it seemed like a perfect situation for me. But it was far from permanent.
So onto my next work adventure and quite frankly my last. I am now working with a home mortgage company, working fully remote and I’m able to help out with my nieces and nephews as much as possible now. I have an extensive amount of freedom like no other with this job. I don’t dread having to clock in which is such a plus. The days and weeks seem to fly by and I continue to learn more and more every day.
But as you can see I’ve been all over the place and during each job I was able to learn a little bit more about myself in the process. It’s made me appreciate the work that every person does and I love being able to flow so easily between different career paths. I’m really just trying to find myself out here in this big world and there’s nothing wrong with trying new things. Who ever said you have to pick one profession and stick with it your entire life? Life is all about trial and error.
By this day and age it’s pretty common to be a child of divorce. I used to think that that would be my hardest ordeal in life and for quite some time it was. As you can imagine I experienced all the regular emotions and behaviors of a child of divorce but I will skip over all the cliche parts and jump to the fact that we are a successful and prosperous family TODAY. My brother Manny and I both had our moments with each of our parents and both had our trials with them but it wasn’t really until my youngest brother Armando was born did we finally see a steady and consistent change in the dynamic of our family. I always say that Armando was the blessing that brought us all back together as one unit. No more separation or division within us, we were finally one again.
When we lost Manny this past January our family was shattered. It was as if a hurricane came through and slammed us back down to the ground. If anything good has come out of his death it would be that the my family has really come together with the exception of a few. I think one of the worst things about death is that no matter how much we love that person, we can not bring them back, there is nothing we can do to change the hard truth that they are gone from this physical realm.
We were all just patiently awaiting the arrival of his daughter, Maelyn, and we were so ready to spoil her with love and to tell her how much her daddy loved her. Everything was such a shock and it still is. The one person I thought would be by my side for life is gone. Losing him has made me feel lost, no sense of direction and with little motivation at times. I have switched paths every time something major has happened in my life, but my path has drastically changed this time and I have redirected myself to a more positive and useful purpose, in my eyes. No one is ever prepared for death and especially not a sudden death, but I am still here for a reason, to take care of his baby girl and to make a difference through my experience.
I feel a deep sense of peace knowing that my brother is in a better place and that one day I will be reunited with him and I can tell him everything he missed down here on Earth. I love knowing that he is watching over us all, my family’s personal guardian angel. The only time I feel close to him is when I’m in church or when I’m praying. So I have held God close to my heart since the accident and I will continue to do so until my time comes. God has opened me up to a new realm of love and kindness and positivity. Without him I would be in a very dark place right now, nowhere near to fulfilling my purpose.
In the end, my life is just like any other’s. I have experienced loss, pain, happiness, success and more pain and more happiness and more success etc. Life is like a roller coaster and I’m honestly just trying to make it a little more positive and exciting. Not only for just me but for anyone else who is looking for a positive way to live. I have always believed in ‘Positivity as a Lifestyle’ and I will continue to promote this brand of mine through my writing as my goal is to touch as many lives as possible during my short journey here on Earth. If I have learned anything from my life so far, it’s that the only thing that matters is LOVE!