Months

I can’t believe it’s already December! The final month of 2022… I’m in awe. Looking back on all my pictures, I see a different version of myself every month throughout the year. Each month after the next, having overcome whatever hard times, difficult lessons or unexpected experiences, that were thrown my way. All over a span of 12 months.

Last 12 Months

It was this month last year that I vowed to make 2022 my year! Take back what’s mine and get my life on track! One of the main reasons I love to write is to look back on where my mind was back then. It really opens my eyes to realize how much I’ve changed from the girl writing in those journals. To the woman I am evolving into daily.

I also enjoy looking back to see what my goals were at the time and if and when I had accomplished them yet. I was surprised to look back on last years entries and discover that I’d accomplished a lot of what I said I would. Things that I just scribbled down when the idea came to me! Then pages of scribbles on how I was going to get myself across the finish line. I go through my manic check-lists and notes and I realize that I’m doing pretty good.

No matter what my obstacle was, each month I conquered it. I learned from it and I grew from it. This year was no straight-line but it was a wild one and I’m thankful for everything that has happened during it. I have lots of great memories from these last 12 months, new friendships and old ones rekindled. New travels and memories and so many new experiences! It was a lot of ups and downs but I made it! I made it to the end, having kept my integrity of my word. Accomplishing all that I said I would.

Next 12 Months

Now we are onset to enter 2023 in just a few weeks. I am already in the mindset of planning and preparing to kick ass next year! I feel a tremor of excitement as I sit down to write all my future plans. Knowing that I’ve accomplished most of what I said I would last year. Knowing that I will accomplish all of what I set in motion for this year.

This new year I will enter into the colorful age of 25. Back when I was 8 and dreaming of being a writer. I pictured a very different life for myself by this time. But life threw all these unexpected twists and turns on my path and has redirected me to where I am now.

The point: Life changes day-by-day, different versions of yourself will immerse and flourish. Then when it’s time to move on, a new version is planted and sprouts and has its time in the sun. Each seasoned version teaching you a new life lesson, giving your more insight and meaning to life. Each version overcoming a struggle to grow more into the person you were always meant to be. Building the relationships that will help you reach into the next level of your life.

I know this year will bring 12 new months of new challenges. New lessons, new wisdom, new struggles and new successes. Each of the coming months I will slowly evolve more into myself as I overcome and conquer whatever is thrown at me. And do you know why? Because I refuse to ever become a victim to the circumstances of this world.

Life has so much more meaning than what’s happening on social media or staying at a job or place that you truly hate. Life is about the moments, the relationships you build, the experiences you have. It’s about seeing the beauty around you and being in shock of how it all exists. Life isn’t forever, so I will not be wasting time on the trivial. I know what matters to me and I plan to dedicate my life to that.

In, Conclusion

In conclusion, resolution time is on the rise. As we end 2022 and enter into 2023 I challenge you to take some time to reflect and write down your goals. Think about what you want to accomplish, where you want to be and who with and WRITE IT DOWN. Then we will each live one day at a time, slowly evolving into the person who will accomplish every single goal written. Our minds are more powerful than you think, and it’s up to you on what you set your mind to. It’s up to you, to achieve whatever you want to get out of life.

Solitary

I never knew how hard it would be to find a word that describes living and being on your own without it having such a negative context to it. The best one I could find is solitary. My question though is, why does being & living on your own have such a cynical spin to it. I think that finding peace in your own company is something to be cherished and appreciated.

People are scared of feeling “lonely” but I feel grateful to spend this time with myself, to learn myself and to better understand myself. Don’t you always hear the saying, “You can’t find happiness with someone else if you aren’t even happy on your own” because I know I’ve heard this several times. So please, let’s discuss.

The So Called “Cons” of Being An Introvert

When people see a person living on their own, single, only a few friends – but even those friends have families and lives of their own, or maybe you just see someone enjoying their day on their own, all of sudden you get the urge to go “Awww”. Why is that? Why do we as a society deem being on our own as being in a state of alarm? For example let’s look at the synonymous words I found for solitary:

  • unpleasant
  • overlooked
  • struggle
  • withdrawn
  • lonely

The list can go on and on, but as you can see for yourself, apparently being an introvert deems you not one with the ways of society.

My Personal Found Benefits of Being Reclusive

Here is what I’ve found to be true for myself, although others may find other truths that they deem right for themselves.

Being solitary doesn’t mean not socializing, it doesn’t mean no friends or no communication. To me it means having your close friends your close family, your intimate group of people. But when everyone is out busy living their own lives I can still find peace in being with just myself.

I enjoy going out and doing some of the soul fulfilling things I’ve maybe been putting on the back burner. I go out on mini picnic dates on my own, I go out and treat myself to Starbucks, I go and enjoy my day and my time with just me and my thoughts.

During this time I like to reflect on the situations I’ve been finding myself in lately. I analyze and come to the conclusion that I’m just a normal woman living her life. A life of peace is all that I desire and what’s more peaceful than time spent with yourself? I love reading a good book, I love writing to my readers and I love listening to calming music to sit back and breathe and take in all the beauty of the world around me.

I don’t find myself feeling lonely but I find myself feeling more fulfilled in my life. I feel that I have purpose when I am able to spend time with myself and know that I truly love the woman I am becoming and I can find peace within myself.

Flipping Cynical to Magical

Being alone needs to stand for something more than what it currently does. Being alone means knowing yourself, knowing what you want. It gives you time to analyze and appreciate things more. It gives you a chance to build more meaningful relationships with people. It gives you the opportunity to learn what does and does not make you happy and to do more of the stuff that makes you feel content.

Here are a few things you can try to flip this negative spin on being alone around.

  • Go out on mini day adventures
  • Have solo picnic dates
  • Try a new coffeeshop every once in a while
  • Go to the beach and read your favorite book
  • Listen to a podcast why overlooking a lake
  • Ride your bike more & take in the beauty of your surroundings

This list is minimal, but you get the gist. There are so many things that people can find peace in by being solitary. Explore the city you live in and see all that the Universe is made up of. Most importantly, discover who you are and what you stand for, find your true inner happiness and enjoy the life we have all been gifted.

Until next time my dear sweet readers!

Becoming.

Hello sweetness! Here’s the update on what’s becoming of my mental lately.

The becoming update

Lately, I’ve been feeling more like myself again but it’s very bittersweet. Part of me wants to stay in the comfort and warmth of what is already so familiar to me. The other part of me is ready and excited for this new chapter! Recently the world has been pulling and pushing me forward on this new path but I’m still looking back and waving goodbye to what was. It’s a melancholy feeling but I feel like it is the right thing, I am on the right path and I will keep moving forward.

The job

My job as a server is serving (pun intended) its purpose, but in the background I am working and coming very much up to the top on other things. I am pushing full force towards my dream of being a successful business owner. Gabby and I’s bounce house business is on the verge of skyrocketing and I know this is just the first of many. There will be so much more to follow and I am becoming more at ease with this movement. A shift in life – more towards the life I’ve always dreamt of for myself.

The becoming dream

I have been working on my interior design portfolio and have great plans to go far with this entrepreneurial endeavor, something that I can call my own and something where I can express everything that I am so amazing at! I just recently became a contracted writer, something that I’ve also always dreamt of also, ever since I was 6 and watched Matilda for the first time.

Everything has been aligning perfectly and I am moving forward with excitement and a little bit of fear, but really mostly the excitement part. I am elated to be on this path and I know that I’m becoming the me that is meant to be here. The more I continue to focus on myself, the more I am becoming me. To serve my purpose here and live up to my full potential. Who wouldn’t be excited for that!?

The gist

So my advice to you my dear sweet readers is to take the leap, go in with fear and excitement for what is about to come to fruition and always be moving forward. Appreciate the good times and cherish the moments you have with your loved ones but always be moving forward. Do not get stuck lingering in the past of what was, it is time to move forward to what is about to materialize into your reality and start becoming.

Summer Time ‘Gladness’

Hey all my lovelies, just a little update. I am officially done with my corporate life, back into the food and hospitality, but honestly I am loving it. I feel like I’m getting a chance to live my life again. I’ve taken care of all my responsibilities that have always held me accountable and I feel that now is my time to take advantage and to let loose and live a little.

Also, I got a personal trainer…. It’s a love-hate relationship. Hate the workouts because I am being pushed way further than I ever have physically but I love the results that are coming along. Not to mention the major mood boost it provides. In other news, me and Gabs are working on our new venture and coming in June we will officially be diving in 100%. We’ve stayed up a lot of nights getting everything together for this and I feel that this is going to be a game changer to a new way of living for the both of us.

Booked a trip to Hawaii, trying to go to South Dakota for the Sturgis Rally, possibly booking a trip to Vegas soon and definitely going back to Puerto Rico this Christmas. Oh yah and of course my good ole Clearwater trip to scope out where me and Gabs want to set up camp LOL. This year has been very sweet to me.

What I’ve learned so far is this, there is no need to stress over the things you do not have or the people that do not like you. If you put out into the Universe what you want, manifest the things you want and the relationships you have, everything will fall into place. Stop stressing about money and just go out there and put in the work and IT WILL WORK OUT. The Universe simply returns the energy you give.

Lastly, don’t forget to enjoy your summer!! The sun is beaming extra heavy this year, so lather up in that the sun screen and get outside. Ride your bike, go to the beach, buy skates, cruise on the longboard, pool days, star gaze. Do it all, because you never know when your last day will be and I damn sure want it to be a great one!

LIVE FAST, DIE LAST

I was cruising around while working my second job as a party stylist and I noticed this sticker on the car in front of me, “Live Fast, Die Last” and that stuck with me a little. I am finally out of my corporate job and I honestly never plan on returning to a corporation again. At least not in the aspect of working in a cubicle or being glued to a computer doing work that has no meaning to me. I want to truly live, I don’t want days and weeks and months to pass me by and nothing of significance occurring. I want to make memories each and every day and spend my days with only true and honest people who love me and I love them!

I am young, 24 and single, no kids and no ties to any one location and most importantly I am independent and support myself. This is my time to FRIGGIN LIVE!! Time to live and have no regrets and the time to always be excited for whatever is to come next. I am on the hunt for turning my passion into my income and living the life I’ve always dreamed of for myself. Traveling and living outside, seeing the world and surrounded by good-hearted people – GOOD VIBES ONLY and LIVING IN THE MOMENT! Don’t get caught up in things that don’t matter. It doesn’t matter how much money is in your bank account, it doesn’t matter how many things you have or what car you drive or what phone you have. Because at the end of it all, the only things that people will remember about you is how you lived and how you impacted their life, the memories shared between y’all. The only way to do that is if you are living!

I refuse to live a life with no meaning, a life where I have made no impressions on anyone. I refuse to live days and weeks and months with no significance in my life, or working everyday with no real adventures in between. I am not here to work, I work to live, I work to have the means to provide myself with adventure and spend those adventures with the ones I love most. Everything else just doesn’t matter. I don’t want to get to be old and be filled with regret, I want to know that when my time comes I will have no regrets because I am choosing to live every single day. I hope y’all are too! <3

NEW CHAPTER, NEXT SEASON

Guys… I feel I am entering a new chapter in life. I put in my 2 week notice at my corporate job today and secured my new job as a waitress with a best friend. I am pursuing alternative entrepreneurial ventures and event assisting. I am getting prepared to go back to school. I am anxious for all the changes that are coming up soon in my life but am also so very excited because I know this is a new chapter for me!

Nothing worth doing was easy and if you’re not scared then you’re not growing. I just have to get through these last 8 days with my corp job and the new season begins! This new season features less mental stress, more physical health, more financial growth, living more and interacting with people. Enlightening my mind by studying something I know I can be great at. Traveling, being with friends and being selfish while I still can and of course, being grateful every step of the way.

I’m tired of trying to live up to the standards of society, to the woman I always dreamed of being back when I was 8, because times have changed and a lot has happened in my life – I want different things now from when I was at 8! Therefore the version of me I need to become is going to be different as well. I have lived up to my 8 year old dreams and it turns out, that lifestyle is not me anymore. It’s time to broaden my horizons and truly live my life exactly how I feel. Here’s to a new chapter and the next season in my life!

HAPPY NOSTALGIC HEART

This week… Has been outstanding. My heart hasn’t been this happy in quite some time. I visited my mom and practice my roller-skating skills and we hung out and talked and laughed and I feel that has been a long time since the last time. I got to see my beautiful, gorgeous, precious niece, every time I look at her I see Manny with all the beauty of her mom in her too. I visited my dad and stepmom’s and spent time with my brothers and we made some pretty amazing memories together, just like we always do.

If you haven’t realized by now, I am an extremely nostalgic person. I always like to think of how these are “the days”, the days we all reminisce when we are older. I feel like that’s the true gift that Manny has given me. Ever since he passed I am so, so, so grateful for my small circle of friends and family. All these days in between the big memories, I cherish. All the late night convos and the sunrises and walks and nights hanging out, all the in between, is something that I cherish dearly.

I think you get the point… it’s been an amazing fucking week and I am so thankful. Happy Nostalgic Heart!

LIFE IS MEANT FOR LIVING

Sooo I just quit my second job. I asked for a schedule change so I wouldn’t have to work every single weekend, since I already have another full time job, which meant that I was working everyday for 7 days a week! They said no so I left. I’m not cut out for that, for missing out on beautiful days and moments with my family all for some extra money that I will be just fine without. So I quit and I’ve never been happier!

Ever since my brother passed I have no time for enduring anything that doesn’t bring me joy. Life is meant for living and that is exactly what I intend on doing! #NoRegrets. I can’t tell if that’s a toxic trait or just plain liberating.. But I’m sticking with liberating, freeing, living life. Also it will give me the opportunity to focus and re-center on the things and the people that matter most to me. Get back into the gym, sunsets and sunrises, star gazing, writing and reading and enjoying the weather. All the things that make life so memorable. So ecstatic!

I’ve also decided to leave the Hometown Girl phase behind once my current lease is up. Headed to Clearwater this time next year and with everyone’s support and sweet words of encouragement, I am ready to finally be able to live my life exactly how I want. Anyone who knows me knows that I’ve been dying to get out of Jax since before I was 18! But life just kept happening and I felt for so long that I couldn’t leave, but this timing feels so perfect. Some call me more “worldly” now, I’ve lived and I’ve lost and this move is going to be a new beginning for me!

There’s my little update for this week! Slacking on getting my key west pics up, but with all this newfound free time I’m sure I’ll get it done this week!

AUTHENTIC

Just logging in to give you a mini update on life. I went on my amazing girls trip to the Keys, pictures will be up soon! So much fun but ended in a little spat, but everything has been cleared up and back to normal. Now just slowly getting back into the flow of normalcy. Work, gym, work again, journal, study, getting over my cold etc. etc. – just trying to keep up with all my goals and really just living.

Reminding myself that being my raw and authentic version of myself is nothing to apologize for. On my lazy days I find myself feeling bad that I didn’t go to the gym or meet any of my daily goals and I have to remind myself that it is OK. I am allowed to have down days, slow days and lazy days. As long as I don’t make them into a habit and as long as I snap back to my reality the next day. I am always going, going, going and when I stop, my mind instantly tells me “I am failing”. I’m not sure why I have that kind of mentality or if other people feel the same way… I find myself constantly thinking about what I want to do next, where I want to go and who I want to be and I often find myself forgetting to appreciate where I am right now. I am exactly where my 8 year old self had always pictured myself to be RIGHT NOW and that high-key blows my mind! So all these wants and desires for my future just remind me: As long as I am making small steps every day – getting 1% better each day – I will reach the end goal and be exactly where I know I am meant to be.

So yes, slow days are okay, to remember and be thankful and grateful for all that you have already accomplished. Just make sure you don’t stay stopped, stuck, or frozen – keep it moving and just keep it steady. Just be you!

Logging off now my lovelies. Hope everyone is having a spectacular week and enjoyed this FL rainy day just as much as I have!

#NOREGRETS

Have you ever heard the saying that you don’t really know what you have until it’s gone? I feel like I’ve got a big smack in the face of that just this last year. But instead of dwelling on how much I’ve lost, I took it as an opportunity to look at what I’ve gained.

Since losing my oldest brother, the one I shared all my childhood memories with and grew up with and then getting dumped by my boyfriend of almost 4 years, not to mention the turmoil my family had to go through while we all went through our stages of grief, my eyes have been ultimately opened.

I started the year out still trying to make it as an entrepreneur but it just wasn’t working out for me, not to mention my lack of motivation after everything happened and my hiatus from all forms of social media. I was without a steady job until late June, living at home, napping most of the day away, with no idea of what I wanted to do next. I felt like a lost cause, sad, broken, confused, and helpless.

That act got old real quick. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. I was tired of singling myself out, as if I’m the only person in the world who had ever lost their brother, as if I’m the only person who had ever gotten dumped, as if I’m the only person who had to struggle in life period. I decided to make the best of the crappy situation I had been handed and turned my shit around real quick. I will not play victim to this life. I will die knowing that I’ve done everything humanly possible to fulfill all my wants, desires and dreams!

So all this detrimental loss of 2021 had only fueled me to want to do and be better. I see life from a whole different perspective now. Since Manny (my brother), some things that used to bother the life out of me just seem so trivial and shallow now. I’ve learned to truly appreciate each and every small, tiny moment with my family and those that I love most. I’ve learned that no matter how hard you try or want, those people not meant for you will not stick around. I’ve learned to just take a damn chance on yourself because you might not wake up tomorrow and I don’t want any regrets when it’s my time to return home. I’ve learned that life is more than just the basics of love & hate, happiness or sadness, rich or poor, it’s about everything in between and the ups and downs that come along with it all.

It’s time we all appreciate everything we have in our lives and the world around us. When was the last time you watched a sunrise or a sunset? When was the last time you went out for a long aimless drive at midnight with your best friend, just screaming your favorite songs together and cherishing every minute? When was the last time you went out and parked to just stare at the stars? When was the last time you looked at a loved one and just flashed back to every great and amazing memory you’ve had with them and feel an immense surge of love for that person? When was the last time you were with someone that felt so much like home that you could just cry tears of joy? LIKE COME ON!! If you haven’t done something that makes your heart feel warm and gives your stomach butterflies, can you really say you’re living? LIKE REALLY LIVING! Luckily, for me, all of the above has been done more than once in just this last week!

I will never let another minute go by without appreciating everything it has to offer. We are never guaranteed a tomorrow, I learned that the hard way. I see life so differently now and it’s all because of Manny. I have so much to thank him for, I have a life worth living because of him. He is always my motivator, my inspiration to keep living a life full of wonder. Life isn’t all butterflies and rainbow kisses, but I’ll be damned if I don’t appreciate everything it throws my way. I will dedicate myself to myself and make sure I die with no regrets on what I would’ve, could’ve or should’ve done differently.