Unbothered

I am so thankful that I have somewhere to go and someone to distract me and help me to forget all the pain and drama and senseless bullsh!t that goes on in my life. I got a chance to not think about my feelings, my life issues, the drama, and it was all so peaceful. So peaceful to just remember, even if temporarily, what it’s like to not have to deal with it all. To not have to walk on eggshells or feel guilt or shame for not wanting to put up with that anymore.

I really want to find my way through this because I know it truly is holding me back severely. I know now, more than ever, that I do want to move out of this city, I’m not sure where yet, but I know I don’t want to stay here forever. But I just don’t want to move and feel like I’m running. Running away from people and problems. I want this all handled and sorted away, at least for me and my mind so I can move for the simple fact of wanting to live somewhere new. A new place to be freely me & independent because I know I will thrive. I know I’m not meant to be in this city forever!

I am determined to flip this script and come out on top with a victory, to be the hero in my own story. I’m done letting the opinions and perceptions of others define my thoughts, my feelings, my self-worth and me! I define who I am, the only perceptions that matter are my own, the only feelings I’m worried about are my own! I’m done with the people pleasing and worrying about how what I do may or may not affect others and their feelings. I will not cause any drama in regards to my separation. I will simply choose to fade away in the background, unnoticed and unbothered. Unbothered by anything that is not me because 2022 is my year and I deserve that sh!t.

TRAPPED

This week started out ROUGH and it’s made me realize that I have a long, long way to go on my mental healing journey. I felt that I’ve been fine for almost 4 months now and I was wondering if it was always going to be this way from now on. Then just one thing after the other just started piling on top of each other until I reached my mental capacity for bullshit and BOOM! I was out of commission for THREE DAYS! That’s just plain unacceptable.

It took me 3 days to get my mental state back on track and back into my daily routines, 3 days to crawl back to normalcy. I even had to call out of work on a Monday to just lay down and watch movies all day and just have a day of nothing. Not seeing or responding to anyone, not doing anything not even saying one word all day. After listening to some powerful podcasts I learned that I may suffer from what they call, “trapped emotions”.

It’s an interesting term, basically it’s when you’ve suffered some type of traumatic event(s) throughout life and you never gave yourself the time of day to deal with those emotions. You never got over it because “you didn’t feel like crying” or “getting into your feels right now”, so instead you just ignored it and pushed it down. But the problem with that, as I have recently found out, is that the smallest trigger can onset ALL of those emotions that you have been swallowing down and it all comes out at once which can lead to drastic events taking place. It can lead to being decommissioned for days instead of just a few minutes or hours, as it should take if you had properly dealt with said traumatic emotions.

I think this is something everyone should look into rather than the alternative of ignoring it. There is no one set way of “dealing with your emotions” but I recommend you at least explore the idea. I do a lot of journaling and writing, I like to process things slowly before confronting them. I don’t know if part of “dealing” with your emotions means confronting the person you have those issues with but I don’t think it would hurt… I mean, every situation is different but this can definitely be a completely internal thing and let’s just leave others out of it. Let yourself ugly cry, Lord knows I have, let yourself scream and be angry and really FEEL your feelings and THEN MOVE FORWARD IN LIFE! I would hate for my issues today and from last year and from 6 years ago to still be the same trapped issues/emotions that I carry around with me in 5 to 10 years from now. I would hope that I have moved on by then, but I know the only way for that to even occur is by dealing with those emotions, those feelings, those demons RIGHT NOW.

Just something I’d though I’d share with y’all. I know I have a long road ahead of me and I can’t wait to see where I’m at once all of that is resolved and behind me, for good.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

It’s not the fact that I’ve been secluded since I moved to my own place, although that is a key factor, not gonna lie. But in all honesty the amount of journaling and reading and listening to podcasts I’ve been doing has increased immensely and in those things I’ve learned a little more about boundaries.

So many people have boundaries but how many of us can say that we actually stand by them and respect them, which in turn means respecting ourselves. Enforcing boundaries is the main part of having boundaries. Why be up front with someone and tell them what does and doesn’t bother you just to continue letting them disrespect you and your feelings by always crossing the line. What I really took away from all this is, yes we all have boundaries and most of us know them right away. But enforcing them is another story. I have had a lot of instances where I put my feelings to the side just because I didn’t want to start any drama or make anyone feel uncomfortable, at the expense of my own peace!

I will no longer be doing that, being in complete solitude and finding my peace has been so amazing and I refuse to introduce or re-introduce anyone into my life that jeopardizes that peace. I think putting in place boundaries with new relationships is easier than instilling boundaries with seasoned relationships. Just be sure to introduce them with grace, give the person some time to adjust and make sure there are consequences in place for when those boundaries are broken. If someone breaks one of your boundaries and continues to do so and you just continue to not doing anything about it, well I’m pretty sure they’re just gonna keep doing it. So if people aren’t respecting your feelings after you’ve made them clear it’s time to put some distance between you and that person until they can respect you and your boundaries.

One more thing before I jump off, “Blood isn’t thicker than peace” – straight from my favorite podcast ‘The Self Love Fix’. Don’t use the excuse of “they are my family” to keep them around if they truly do not respect your boundaries. I for one have had to step away from a lot of relatives in order to maintain my peace and honestly it really has been for the better. I used to be caught up in a never ending cycle of drama just because I was living my life and they decided that what I was doing wasn’t up to par with what they thought I should be doing. Guess what, it’s my life and I choose my family, just because we share the same blood in our veins does not mean you deserve a place in my life. I’m not saying to cut them out completely if that isn’t a true option for you (sometimes it is) but at least put some distance between you and that person. They don’t need to be involved in your everyday affairs, just be sure that you are in control and never give them that chance to cross the line again.

BOUNDARIES = RESPECT – IT CHANGES LIVES! Be sure to enforce yours and just watch how much better life can be!

YOU VS YOU

Whenever I am by myself and just sitting with my personality and my problems and really picking everything apart, I feel like I discover a few hidden gems in this big head of mine. I notice things that I don’t particularly like about myself and catch myself when I am acting in that way to try to correct the behavior. I notice things around me that just don’t make sense to me and literally just make my mind boggle. I think of how things were and because of that, how things are now. I pretty much am just having full on conversations with myself on the regular.

But honestly, I think those are the best moments. When you are all alone with your thoughts, just you and more you. It really makes me appreciate life more, it helps me to have a better understanding of things, find a deeper meaning behind people, actions and things. I am not one to react to any situation in the spur of the moment, I always like to gather my thoughts on the subject before sending out my rebuttal. Maybe I was in the wrong and I try to see things from the other person’s perspective, I try to get in their headspace. Or maybe I am just thinking about why I am the way I am and all that’s lead up to me being this way. I even think about the ‘would’ve, could’ve, should’ve’ scenarios, but I try not to dwell on anything I can’t change.

I am always trying to better myself each and every day because this is not an overnight process. This is a daily choice I have to make and sometimes I make mistakes and fail and feel shitty about it. But all we can do is learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward. No point in torturing yourself with what you cannot change. You won’t be happy unless you decide to be happy, for some reason people like to associate happiness with a person, a place or an object. But once that person is gone, the place has been seen or that object obtained, then what’s left? Happiness is way of being, a choice that has to be made every single day. There is no “right time” or “perfect place” to wipe away all your struggles, no sense in waiting for things to happen before you can be “happy”. There is no better time and place to choose to be happy then right here and now. It’s always going to be you versus the world or you versus you. You versus whatever the world throws at you, which will be a shit ton, or whatever you choose to focus on and make better for yourself.

I’ll take my chances with the YOU vs YOU.

A SoulMate

This post is dedicated to my beautiful stepmother, who started out as a stranger and ended up becoming more than I could ever ask for, a soulmate.

Our first encounter happened just about 10 years ago now and never would I have imagined our relationship to evolve to what it is today. I am so eternally thankful for your love, your kindness, your compassion, your guidance, your friendship. Even though our journey started off with a lot of ups and downs, God knew exactly what he was doing when he introduced you into my life. He knew I needed you before I could even understand how. He knew that I needed your beautiful, light and airy soul to guide mine through the many trials in life and he knew that we both needed each other to reach the other side of our shared journeys.

The many adventures we have shared together, I treasure always. The advice you bestow upon me is invaluable and the love you fill me up with is undeniably priceless. Being a 20-something year old in this crazy post-COVID world, being on the hunt for my purpose, while searching for my own path and independence, I didn’t even recognize until recently, that God has already sent me my other half almost a decade ago. Living so closely with you this past year has only strengthened our relationship and solidified it even more. Being so close to someone who understands me down to my core and never passes judgment on me, someone who only wants to lift me up and help me find my way and someone who just gets it because they have been where I am. Learning you and your ways and bonding on a level that is so pure and true with no wonder of ulterior motives or judgement being passed. Being able to just truly be ourselves with each other is a true blessing. I finally feel like this world isn’t all bad if there are people like you that exist.

Someone I can go to for absolutely anything and have real and deep conversations with. Someone who vibes with me so flawlessly and undergoes the same type of thought processes as me, someone who sees this life in the same light that I do and who enjoys traveling frequently and laughing often, only striving to live the best version of life we can create for ourselves. Positivity as a Lifestyle is what perfectly describes the both of us. I have grown to see you flourish and change so much into such an amazing person, someone that I aspire to be just like and seeing that you can do it, only inspires me to keep going, even through the worst of times.

I wish you could see YOU through MY eyes, then you would understand just how much I love you and am inspired by you.

You are undeniably the person made for me, my own personal soulmate and I am so happy that we have been chosen to be linked in each other’s journeys. My real lesson from meeting you, is to always trust that God knows what he is doing and to trust the timing. The ones meant for you will arrive right when they are supposed to and change you in ways you didn’t even think possible.

I love you Jameen.

Be Happy.

As I slowly inch myself into reading daily again, I came across a quote, “You won’t be happy unless you decide to be”. The key word being DECIDE! Being happy isn’t the way of life, things will get thrown at you left and right, bad days roll in like never ending waves. But unless we mentally decide to be happy we will never truly BE HAPPY.

People think that they should wait for the bad days to be over before deciding to be happy. When in reality, you will never not have a bad day. They are unpredictable and honestly just a part of life. We must comprehend that and make the decision to be happy in spite of the bad days.

We are always longing for what we don’t have, longing for the next chapter in our lives while rushing for our current chapter to close. It’s time we realize that happiness is enjoying what’s right in front of us, the present day. When we long for the future we are simply letting the present slip through our fingers and when the things we said we wanted in the future are finally in our grasp, we realize that we still want what we don’t have and can’t be happy until we have it. Longing for the future can be great, but it shouldn’t take away from the value of life in the present. Another quote that sits in the back of my mind daily, “You once yearned to be where you are right now”.

I’d hate for so many people to be continuously yearning for what they don’t have, something that can never be fully fulfilled because we will always want something more as time goes on. Do not rob yourself of the gift of life by wishing for the present to be over so you can skip ahead. Enjoy where you are right now in this very moment. Enjoy the loving people that you have surrounded yourself with in your life and enjoy your present situation. This is the last day that things will be as they are, each day brings on new challenges and with them come changes. Molding you for your future and where you want to go.

No one ever said life was easy, so we must consciously decide for ourselves and our own mental sanity to BE HAPPY! I could easily ramble on for hours on this topic but I will just leave you with these final words.

Recognize that happiness is a choice and not just a way of being.

A Calm Mind Has Great Energy

I recently just made my blog a twitter page (link below), and this quote came up on my feed and it really stuck with me. “A calm mind has great energy”. There is just so much truth behind it, a calm mind has great energy.

In other words, a mind that processes before responding, a mind that listens to understand and not to just respond. A mind that tries to understand the other’s perspective and how the other person may be feeling, that mind, has great energy.

So many people in today’s society are so quick to judge, to assume, to prioritize their own thoughts as superior to any other. It’s rare to meet a person who has mastered the practice of calming a mind. I have been attempting to master this since my teen years. I used to be very hot headed, easily angered, always feeling as if the world was on the verge of ending at the slightest inconvenience.

I would definitely say that I have mentally upgraded since then, as any person would with age. I am nowhere near mastering but calming my mind before responding is something I do on the daily and take very seriously. Now when I am faced with anything undesirable or not in my favor, I take time to comprehend the actions that have been done. I take some time away from the problem to see how it could be made into something positive or something that’s for the better. I separate myself from the issue so I can recenter my thoughts and ensure my actions are not being fueled by remiss. A calm mind has great energy, because it is a well thought out mind, it is a well justified mind, a mind that has gathered research, data, advice, contemplation and so much more and has now come to a final decision.

The true moral of the quote: Think before you respond. Live your life the way you would want to be treated, do things you think are right because you can fully respect the decision being made.

Calm your mind so you can radiate great energy!!

YOUR DAILY PRESCRIPTION OF POSITIVITY: STOP WISHING TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE

Have you ever found yourself constantly wishing you were anywhere else but where you actually are? I know that may be a dumb question for some people but it’s a very real issue. We need to focus on where we are in that moment and stop daydreaming on how our lives can be better if we weren’t exactly where we are at that very moment.

Now this can be taken both mentally and literally. Mentally wishing to be somewhere else, perhaps in life. Wishing that you would have accomplished more by this point, wishing you already had your degree, wishing that you are already in the marriage and baby age in life, the list is never ending. Then there are the literal situations. Wishing you were at the beach instead of at your desk. Wishing you were at your favorite human’s house hanging with them or even wishing you were in your dream state living it up.

Regardless if you are wishing to be somewhere else mentally or literally, this habit can become severely toxic. It makes us not appreciate the moment we are in and leaves always longing to be somewhere else that we think will make us happier. In reality, we could be exactly where we are wishing to be and even in that moment we catch ourselves still wishing to be somewhere else. It’s an endless cycle. We can’t rush through things or cheat the system in life. We all have to work for a living and we all have to put in effort to finish the things we started, even though it may be difficult at times, it’s apart of life.

So, stop wishing you were somewhere else. Appreciate the moment you are in, RIGHT NOW, because you will never have that moment again. Appreciate the people you are surrounded by because you can never recreate those exact great memories, no matter how hard you try, it will never be the same. Appreciate where you are both mentally and physically because we are all exactly where we are supposed to be in this given moment.

YOUR DAILY PRESCRIPTION OF POSITIVITY: BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE

On my gratitude app it said “Happiness is directly linked to thankfulness! If you want to be happy, be thankful for what you have”.

I adore this quote because of how valid it truly is! If we all start our morning reminding ourselves of how grateful we are we can realize why we wake up early every morning and why we go to work and why we put ourselves through all the hassle and just redefine our life with gratitude.

So I challenge you this morning to take note of everything you are grateful for in your life. Do not take anything for granted and write it all down. You will soon feel a smile widen across your sleepy face and realize just how much you have to be thankful for. The real challenge is to not just do this on this day but to continue doing it every single day, especially on the harder days and see how much of a difference it makes in your life.

Positivity as a Lifestyle

I’ve worked endlessly learning how to evolve my mind to try to realize the bright side in every situation & to comprehend the fact that if you are in control of your mind you are essentially in control of everything that goes on in your life. So many people find it difficult to accept this small piece of knowledge because they wonder how that could possibly be true.

Well, being “in control” of your life does not mean you control what happens to you and when or where, it simply means that you have the control in HOW you react to every situation that occurs in your life. You can either choose to react in a negative manner, blowing up in a rage and doing or saying things that will not benefit you in your future and only cause more damage & harm. Or you can choose to react in a positive manner, by slowing down and taking a few deep breaths, thinking about how you will respond and then proceeding to the action, after it has been well thought out, leading to an overall more positive result.

Of course this skill does not develop overnight, this takes lots of trial and error & self-discipline to master and even then you will still find yourself slipping up every now and then. But the important thing is noticing when you are slipping up and correcting the mistake. I for one have put this into practice and have found myself being happier and overall more positive because why worry or anger yourself over something that you can not control? We all need to realize and focus on the parts of our lives that we can control and find peace and happiness in that alone.

I can’t remember how many times I heard something that messed up my plans in some sort of way and I instantly just exploded with anger. I felt the world was against me but now I realize that if I had just taken some time to slow down and think over the news, I would have been able to realize there were several positives to come out of the situation as well. It always depends on how you choose to look at things. Of course you can always point out every negative detail in the situation and just sit in your own little angry bubble but honestly, who is that really helping? It’s not helping the other party and it definitely is not helping you. If you can just sit down and work your hardest to find the “bright side” in every predicament you find yourself in you will noticeably evolve into a more positive person, just as I have myself. Do not allow things that are outside of your control affect you, that is how you win at life.

Another tip to really live up to the “Positivity as a Lifestyle” motto, always be kind to others. You never know what the other person may be going through, you don’t know their back story, you don’t know what they have on their plate or what kind of news they may have just received. My tip is to always be considerate and never pre-judge someone. If they are being rude to you for what seems like no reason, stop, think and then react with kindness in return, they will appreciate it in the long run and sometimes they may even stop in their tracks and apologize. It’s so simple to just be kind to those around you, to me it seems 10 times harder to hold a grudge with someone and to stay angry, let all of that go, forgive and move on with your life. Nobody is perfect and we are all going through our own personal struggles. I for one don’t ever want to add to the struggles of another human, I would rather be that light they confide in and are thankful for at the end of a long day.

These 2 small tips can literally have such a massive affect on every person in our community, so much that the world could even start to harmonize and find that flow of peace and happiness amongst themselves. A world with less drama, with less fighting, less arguing and less negativity would be such a wonderful place. I always strive to be an all around radiant soul, a light to others, don’t be the person that strives to be the opposite. I challenge you to complement one person every day, whether it be superficial, such as complementing their outfit, their hair or more genuine, complementing their personality, their mind. You will feel a deeper sense of happiness just from all the smiles you receive in return. I challenge you to tell everyone in your family you love them for no reason today, tell your friends how much you appreciate them. There shouldn’t have to be a reason to brighten up somebody else’s day, these are the things that humanity forgets. If we can remember to just be kind, positivity as a lifestyle wouldn’t seem so far fetched.